[The Void]
finally
2007-05-10
There is a feeling that comes out of the depths of your heart. And I thought I had grown hardened...to rough to feel it. Only when we shed our outer layers can we feel it though~ and I had to do just that. I had to pry open every scab, wound, and toughened article over my heart and soul. It has taken me three times longer than most folks I do believe. But I am hanging in there.
I feel inside I can move forward when part of me was at a standstill. Still angry....saddened and disappointed in another. I was also questioning the amount of love and strength I can have when I feel this way too. I was disappointed in myself at the outcome.
Today is a new day. Tonight will be a new night. And for all the love I have for those in my life I cannot fail into utter hatred or disapproval forever. It serves no purpose other than self perservation...and really...that is handled by the Goddess. I have no need for armor...never have. Why did I surround myself with it? Even invisible armor like limitations on love? Limitations on trust? Why when I can have the freedom of loving and giving?
I have had to look at so many things in my heart of hearts. And been rather disappointed with several aspects I saw in there. Its hard, and you start to wonder why and if anyone loves you at all. If they can see these things? Can they truely love you? Or are they just liking what they see so far? In the end, honestly, I feel I need to fight my own demons if I am not a loving creature and stop spending so much damn time out wondering what others are fighting.
Elvenbeads (2007-05-10)
I am actually going through something very similar right now. I went through a different soul searching years ago when I had decided that I was tired of being Solitary and thought that I needed to be involved in a Grove to find happiness and fulfillment. It took only a few weeks for me to realize that it wasn't a group of people that I needed around me to be happy in my worship of the Goddess. I took a sincere look within myself and found what I needed to go back to my Solitary worship. I've never been happier. I still sometimes get together with other Pagans for worship... but I do it now because it's a special treat on a special day. Not because I have to do it to worship a special way to be happy within myself or with myself. As for my other introspection... i will find my way, i think as well. ~Goddess Bless
Bishop\'s Fantasy? (2007-05-10)
I think maybe love is looking at someone and seeing all three aspects - the past, present, and future. Being able to appreciate how far they've come, the good in who they are now, and their potential for even better things.
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