[The Void]
thank you sarah
2007-05-13
I find myself at a point in time where things are just peaceful. And I am not sure what to do with myself with it. I feel more like my old self. Sure the bills the there, the kids are being...well boys. And work is work and my friends will always have issues I cannot control. But instead of the overwhelming ownership of those I used to feel I sense a part of me quietly says it will be ok. I miss this part of me. I couldn't find that locking piece that allowed it to come again.
Like most moms I thought that piece was conquering it all. To find this stillness meant to actually do it all. I was actually one of those moms. And I lost myself in it. I have reached out for more things, feeling more sure of myself to handle it. And it feels good. It feels good to say yes I can do this, instead I will try my best. I got an email from a friend, inside she simply stated: Its ok to fail, You are still in the game. Don't build yourself a stone necklace.
Her name is Sarah. She is in alaska and someone I think about almost everyday. That stone necklace I had once talked to her about. Those things we argue to carry. Argue for your limitations and they are yours. Argue for your hardships and you can have them. I had gotten to the point that if I failed, others would look down on me. And why should they? My friends never will. And I forgot that. They will rejoice when I rejoice, they will help me when I ask them too and will never part when I need them most. Sometimes I may have made the friendship bar too high for others to make. In turn made myself a void. And sat wondering....where is everyone? I am still in the game, I still have a shot at wonderful things, I am still living and learning. I will not build myself a stone necklace to carry.
I think, I needed someone to say that to me. To remind me. I am so busy reminding people of my love for them. My acceptance of them. I didn't know how to read words that said the same things back. And I am human. I need to hear I love you. And that is exactly what she did. She heard my cry over thousands of miles away. Thank you sarah.
Doe (2007-05-14)
We all need that from time to time, don't we?
Thanks for the reminder :)
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