[The Void]
work eval.
2007-05-16
You can't be in two places at once. You can't do everything for everyone. You can't take on all the duties that were designed for the whole.
I had my work evaluation today. I was hired May 1st, so last week I let her know I was late on my yearly. I was orginally thinking, I am sooo getting fired. So stop side stepping the whole thing. Swallow your guts and walk right up to her and say it! : Boss, I am due for my eval....can we schedule something this coming week? She smiled and did so....now that was today.
I walked in like it was nothing. I got nothing to loose I kept telling myself....I have Cna skills from years of practice...and I am still young with no body damage or liablities. I have a flawless saif claim record. And go above and beyond my duties often. What did she have to say?
Good job. And, that written in the bottom was her saying I was a good employee, and take my job seriously but a bit too seriously and I need to learn to say no. I recalled in that instance all the different ways she tried to tell me~ as to all the statements in the beginning of this blog posting.
I need to start saying NO. hmmm over achiever? Me? The procastinating twit oh forgets things so damn often these days? Who had an emotional meltdown not too long ago and didn't get out of bed or eat for 48 hours? That dragged herself into the docs office because I wasn't sleeping the but for every 3 days about....and hallucianating at that when I finally crashed.
I accepted the well written evaluation. And made my own copy of it for my own files. I was proud of myself. Through all this shit she never saw it. And all I displayed at work was the loss of a few pounds she said and a bit more sorrowful facial expressions.
Later, I cracked open with all that had happened lately. Now that its over seems easier to talk about. She was wide eyed. And really, didn't notice that I actually had some issues like this. But, I reminded her, I took care of them~ so its not like a whine feel bad for me thing. I just thought you ought to know and reason for the change in my personality as of late, and your a good friend these last few months we have worked together. I feel I needed to talk to someone, and all my friends are busy with their own lives.
She laughed, again, taking on the responsibility....is that all your worried about?? I laughed. No one, I mean no one~ thinks I am a responsible individual. And barely anyone thinks I can handle life or would trust me with a potato gun. We shared a few more laughs. It was good to have this sort of support. Even from someone I don't know as well, but seems genuinely interested in me.
She said she was proud of the way I handled work and all this crap. And that I am doing exactly what she would expect me to. Ask for help, fix the problem, then take new steps afterwards. Talk to someone even if I think no one is available. I still tried.
See this is why I am taken by this conversation. She had concrete things to say, and made me feel good inside. And I knew I got a good evaluation, along with a raise. Wow.
Life is good at times, just gotta fix the perception that I am looking at it I guess.
Sedna (2007-05-17)
Thank ya! ;)
figjam (2007-05-17)
Congratulations on your good eval and raise!
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