[The Void]
changes can be hard
2007-06-12
My oldest boy is out of Elementary....and why aren't I happy? I am....suppose....excited? no...more like anxious. I love this school he has been in. My son is a system breaker usually. Can't say he did it all on his own I admit to filling his head with a few ideas...but really he does alot on his own. He is smart, in his own ways. And has steam rolled a new path for any book challenged student that will come through there. He didn't lower the standards of school work....instead he made the teachers change how they teach. And really, its about damn time.
The teachers are my heros. No matter how many jobs I will hold in my life, or how many careers I will venture down.....teachers of students hold my number one respect. I cannot have the patience and adaptability to maintain my self five days a week, and be the perky bendable smily teacher of a bunch of kids. Quite frankly, other peoples children rather scare me. And I usually keep my distance.
I went in to help set up, a school needs support you know...so I do try and lend my hands when I can. Never one to be on the parenting boards or nothing....only when I feel I am helpful not bitchy...put me in a box of voting adults on my childs education and I tend to get bitchy. I need to work on that. .....
Although, I called a friend down south to say hello and I miss her. Another that lives out in silverton. And when I was done calling my friends...I realized....I have lost a few as well. And I miss them. From a spot in me that is not hurtful or painful just looked around and said...hmmm and I thought they would be around forever? And they are not. Not a phone call, not an email. And silently we separated into voids. I suppose it was the best thing to happen. For them at least. I can be the most difficult person to deal with at times, so I am told.
The friends I have had for the last four years going on five seem to be able to stick to em.....through arguements and absolute bitch fights. I am comfortable to argue with them. And maybe, lately...that is all I have been really spending efforts into. Where I feel I am given support not just supporting. Where I am comfortable...and where its ok to really be human, and not know it all. No one likes to be told all their bad points all the time. Sure when they are needed....all the time? It wears on you. And you start to consider the source.....and before I harbor ill feelings like I used to....I let it fall silently to the ground and move on.
Some folks have moved back into that area of just people I know. And I am allowing that. I am taking a break from extending myself all the time, and seeing who it is that wants to maintain my friendship as I move out of this city. Gosh....its a hard time for my heart. But a well worth it break at the same time. Even I need someone to be there once in awhile.
Sedna (2007-06-13)
Thank you for your comment! Its a hard time in some ways for me. When all you heart wants is to reach out again....sometimes you realize that was what was killing ya. Resentment runs deep and without warning signs. I miss my friends...But...on the other hand its been awhile and I haven't heard anything...so what can you say for dependability? My son...yes he is actually what I see as the creatively touched individual, moved with passion and caring that I never thought developed in this world anymore. I hope...this maintains in him for the rough years to come...teenager! ack...I don't want to think on it!
Mary Mary Quite Contrary (2007-06-12)
We all need someone to be there. Best of everything to you - and your son sounds like the coolest kid ever! I mean any kid who can get teachers to think outside of the box is fantastic! Best of everything to him too! :)
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