[The Void]
some things
2007-06-20
Well, as it is. Somethings aren't meant to leave the very electric field of your mind. When you express your thoughts it is unknown how many things it can be focused into.
My group, and my feelings toward it. It was my truely dedicated asst. that I feel didn't support me. And the three others that said they would forever stand and support it. And me. That I feel failed. And in turn, there was nothing in me that said I was doing this for me only. So I followed my heart. And my heart said new beginnings come with closures and new routes.
Ok, when expressed, even to a cyber world it can be all kinds of confused and again you can defend the stance or just swallow it with hey..it could be worse...instead of being mad at me they could be mad at themselves. And who needs that?
So...in thinking at the moment lets go with the latter. It doesn't matter how much you lean over to apply yourself, or lend your ears, shoulders and what have you to others....you can still be the one that is expected to give when you really need someone to recipocate.
Its odd. I really didn't think it would be like this. Not in this smallish town. When I finally felt I needed something bigger, stronger, and more close to nature. I met a community under the Goddess and spent a three day weekend that has forever changed my life. That has brought something out of me I still can't seem to really utter in words that resemble meaning. Just a smile, an inner deep and promising smile. That says there is something so precious out there as truely kind and open people. That have all kinds of flaws you can't even imagin. They are human, and defensive at times. They are full of laughter, and devotion. They are dedicated, and they can loose their tempers. They are prideful, at times stubborn and arrogant. They are appreciative, and are demanding. But.....consistent to eachother, to another soul. To me. Wow...
That was it. And as I came back and looked around it was like a whole other world here. Things and personalities appeared in such a way I had to make sure I wasn't loosing my mind. Was it me that changed? Was it just the time? But I do remember Rev. Terri saying, what changes set forth this day will remain ever consistent and there is no going back. They will unravel, and flow always. Think on this, are you ready?
We were given more than an hour in complete silence with our thoughts on this question alone.
So I have changed, I can feel it. In my skin, the very cells something has shifted and grown differently than before. My eyes see things differently, and my sense react with different input. Not saying better, not saying worse. Its different, and complex....and in this whirlwind...I can really only have faith that in the end it will work out. And its really~ all ok.
My prayers have been for the folks I know I pissed off, or let down. They have been to the universe for the reasoning of the pathways that I felt myself drawn. Of course, the dreams come with broad shoulders. Be strong, stick it out. My Goddess amulets even tell me, somethings in details can be explained and smoothed~ but in the bigger picture cause a wrinkle not worth the suffering. I had always heard this the other way around~ and trying very hard right now...to again trust in that there are others that will also be here when I feel frail or in need of some spiritual guidence.
I am in full assurance, I can always open my email box when I feel another reason to kick myself however. Broad shoulders ey? ya...something like that.
[ Back to top ]
Created with ShoutPost
