[The Void]
litha thoughts
2007-06-21
Its Summer Solistice...and what a changing season this is for sure. What blooms isn't always within the gardens tended so lovingly.
The kids played on a slip and slide they recieved for their birthday. Its a number hit, and they seem to really get a good amount of energy out. The youngest also figured out by pouring his large container of bubbles onto the slide has some bubbly after effects....nice....haha kids will be kids. Can't say I haven't done the same thing as a child. And I now know the feeling my father had with a tired smile and shook his head. And sat down to see me splash away at my 'new findings'. I watched them play for a good while. Enjoying the cool breeze that came in along with a few clouds~ so nice to see!
It was nice to recieve an email with a hello sunshine comin your way and wanted to get back in touch in the first sentence~ I was at a loss for a sec....company? Oh the Gods!
I have forgotten it was Litha that my norm was to re gather those far away friends and retouch on the changes that have gone on. And I have not this year. This year was for me, and my family. Just to be and explore all the new territory we are setting our feet into. It is a big changing year for us. So many areas that require my thoughts and emotions. Everything else has really had to take a back seat.
I have noticed, I do usually go about making things happen. I bug folks till it does or blows up. Its almost a trademark on my forehead. If there isn't something happening then I want to go out and make it happen. If folks are talking then I want to get them going....and I have come to many conclusions on why this is over the last year. And rebalanced them.
I think to a point that go get em personality is a good thing. And I refuse to part with it all. But with the folks I do it with has for sure changed....and I am not entirely sure I understand why. Its almost a guessing game sometimes. And I just choose what I think the best decision from the heart should be and run from there. But now its about the bigger picture, and where I am feeling called. Instead of constently making things for my life I took a chance to listen and go. And I am finding I am needed in the Correllian family. Somewhere there is a spot for me to really take hold and produce what best I can within it.
I was shown the utmost courtesy from folks I never met, and will most likely not see for over a year. They had no reason to trust me, or empress me. And that is what has really made an impression to me. They were go getters. I admire their strength. Why sit and wait? Go! Make a life worth remembering when your dying. And I realized, instead of waiting I think I made things to keep myself in a cycle full of folks that really didn't need me...because to realize I was useful somewhere else was a big pill I could not swallow.
I also never thought I could be part of people like this. I also thought I would never amount to much, one of those funny characters you meet in your life and pass back out as quickly and myname is one of those forgotten quickly.
It was nice to be proven wrong. And I really have no more reasons to continue asking for proof. I hate being asked to prove my love for someone on consistent bases. Why should I also ask for proof when I have it here in front of me. My old life no longer suits the needs....make a new one. Rather, step into it. And go from there. There is heart ache in the changes. And of course, I am not perfect and everyone will quickly point that out. But I have strong shoulders. And the ability to not be calloused afterwards.
Time really, to refocus on family. My friends that are family. My family that is also my friends. My new life that awaits me in a new house. And what experiences and happy holidays that will occur there.
When your dealing with someone as pondering and questioning as this~ there is one reply~ I love you. Even if its a bare email, save for the words~ hey I love you and this year will be a great one! It will bless each waking moment from that day forward.
Elvenbeads (2007-06-21)
Happy Summer Solstice, even if it is a few hours late.
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