[The Void]
humanity is interesting
2007-07-08
There are alot of ideas that can only follow after opening the trap we call a mouth. And of course afterwards....the swallowing of the foot is a tradition carried on to long. It is strange in a world full of unique people, we crave both to be one with our neighbors and separate as divinely made. And in this war I find myself merely an observer. Still too critical and jaded to take a side.
I have no idea what it is in me that is so judgemental at times. I want to figure it out and solve it...yet hold onto it cause it gives me strength and an upper edge at times. I want to punish it, and kill it with fire of clarity .... I want to run from it, and hide. And bull doze it down with tears of pain.
I wanted a place to write it out...and pick through it. Hindsight is always more clear than before. And who, if any...would think one would need to do that? Don't say a unique person, that is all washed up.
Me...deep inside lies someone with jealousy. Someone with a sense of eager knowing of your failures. Not that I rejoice in them, just in being able to know them. I want to see your fragil side. Your damaged sides. That weeping bleeding wounded flesh inside your heart. Are you afraid? A part of me actually gets hyper when you show it. I have no idea why exactly...just does. And I love to see you angry.
What to do with such inner secrets? That indeed parts of me are of jealousy, envy, hatred and self pity? What is a person to do when confronted with these you laugh? Is it a sign of illness? Is it a sign of humanity?
Deep inside also lies this person that tries forever. And beating my own inner demons at every turn. This person is more positive about situations to the point of being gullible and a doormat. Problem is, these two sides are not suppose to live in the same person. And, to never be spoken about. Never admitted to, never opened up to the light.
Humanity is interesting.
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