[The Void]
rambles
2007-07-20
Whew and good night nurse!
Its been tiresome and rough this last while but I feel I pulled ahead. Well...WE pulled ahead. The help of a few ears to listen to all the little things I had around my head floating and talking waiting to breath life once again.
Its an odd sort of response to great changes~ not odd as in unique, just odd. When something big happens talking about all the little details no one wants to listen to is healing. Like electricity it shoots in your head to your heart and back all in complete nonsense. But angels fall out of the sky and listen with big round eyes and a carton of cigarettes ....hmm tobacco fairies...haha
On the bonus side, I lost that few more pounds I was aiming for. Still keeping the changes in my deit as best I can. Lost another 6 pounds....6.....wow...not alot for most folks but man...that was alot of work and waiting.
Yesturday I wore a scrub top I have not been able to fit into *fit into and breath at the same time* since 1999! And yes I admit to the sad hands that clutched to it thinking "One day....one day I will wear it again" Gods whoever reads this please tell me you have at least one garment you hold onto as well.....
Looking forward to camping at the end of this month. There is a full moon, and since I work on Lughnassa I had planned to celebrate early. Makes for a good reason to try for a campout at new traditional camping area. I admit, it will be a bit different thinking of all the memories that are tied to that spot but I did visit it a few times in the last few weeks to see if it held me back...I felt happy there. And still....a sense of ownership and belonging there. And an urgent need to keep my tradition going. So a friend called up and wanted to do the full moon ritual together and he is working on trying to camp as well. What luck! A pagan campout is always fun~ when you have a few fun loving pagans I suppose.
Its a good time to be there, the plums are just getting ripe, the blackberries, blueberries are ripe as ever and strawberries we planted in spring as well. The veggie garden is busting at the seams so really all I am thinking I need to bring is cow and pig meat along with wine. My friend attending is bringing kava kava and is also thinking of bringing his home brew of wine...yum yum.
I am still panicy about being out there all by myself...until times like this. Then I realize what a prize it is just to have it and live in it. A few acres of green. That is magical and responsive. That you can run about naked on. And harvest every year. To have well water that is the best I have ever had. And a little old cottage....beats a new house for me anyday. I love those little cottages. So full of history and stories. On the door hindges are still markings from the 60's of heights and ages. There are names, and worn out areas that show that this house has seen many things. It feels welcoming. And I am sure, this winter, I will begin to enjoy the wood stove. I have never had one before.
More space to have more animals as well. There are owls in the back, raccons and many deers. So far no cougars, but still on the watch. Swear I saw a bobcat the other day...made me nervous over my little guys....but I think it will be alright. Hopefully it was just a big kitty.
I got to see a few hawks out there, and all kinds of birds. They came to watch us put up another patio covering and arrange the tables and chairs for summer fun. Of course helping themselves to the veggies left picked yet not gathered inside yet. I sat down, lit a cigarette and let them have their fill. I am sure I will regret it later but it was so beautiful to see so many be so graceful. Not fighting for the food, just picking over what they wanted. Then flying off what they could carry and after about ten minutes they all cleared out. They did leave me over half of what was there...so that was awesome.
I am making some bird feeders for when we get out there. We stopped making them here cause they worked as merely 'cat feeders' giving there was no where high enough for the birds to feed safely. The oaks out there are for sure tall enough. And I even have a squirrel one to put up too. We wanted a bat house...but my neighbor has cattle and I am sure he would not appreciate that. So we gave it away.
I am trying to gather what plants I really want to grow down there as well. Some pineapple weeds, yes I know they are no ones favorite but make a wonderful tea. And they are also N. american natives so can't be all that bad. I am trying to study how to take a magnolia cutting...I think fall is when you do it but need to read more.
My bleeding heart bush, I planted two years ago and french sorrel. Another weed I love the taste of. I have so far successfully kept a patch of black medic alive for transport and some curly docks as well. Yes yes....lots of weeds. I guess I should call myself a weed lover with gardening tendencies.
On the upside, most of these once established can live in the back and out of the veggie garden area. And do not need routine watering. Gotta love that. I hope to plant a thimble berry bush and salmon berry as well next year, on the east side there is already a good selection of fruits I think it will make a good addition in front of the raspberries and loganberries.
I know the area pretty good, spotted out some plants I do not have to transport. Theres alot of ferns, foxgloves and wild blueberries. Thistles and tisels, broad leaf docks and wild apples. Pineapple mints, orange and apple mints, comfrey and violets. Filberts~ for those not used of that term they are hazelnuts. Found a fig tree that doesn't look good, but trying to breath it back to life. Plantains, mallows and mulleins. Cedar bushes galore and cypress. A small white sage from my mother in law and a juniper bush taller than I am. Hemlocks, henbane and vetch all in one area....for sure these will have to stay clear of the kids foraging areas....but still want to keep them. Skunk cabbage! I found two growing pretty well in the swampy area far in back of the property, which I was delighted yet holding my nose to see.
Well there is many....and going to have fun teaching hubby which are which over the next few years. He seems more interested in the edibles and trees. But I hope he learns the secrets of the others in due time. He is making his first oil blend this month and hopefully once he is comfortable with that, some incense. With his mathmatical brain I think the sky the limit in salves and teas but he needs to first learn the basics.
I need to keep telling myself all the good things. Cause in the midst of it all I feel scared. I feel lonely even though I am not there yet. I feel removed and moved on without realizing I was actually the one moving on this time. Usually...I am the one that is left.
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