[The Void]
sometimes people are mean
2007-10-08
I was excited to see a family we know get their house tore down and rebuilt on the television last night. It was an awesome sight. My daughter as well helped with that building! Although didn't make it to the final episode cuts. Ah well, I am not worried about that. I am just so damn proud of her for taking the time and effort.
Theres folks that make a mark in your life more than you realize till much much later. Maybe its my lack of awareness I suppose that didn't take account how close. This person in detail is in her 80s and I have known her for more than three years. Seeing her through some really hard times. Today, I held her so close while she watched her husband of 50 years ride a wheelchair that will not take him home...but to a retirement home.
I felt my heart open and bleed. I do not know this pain, Her pain. I only know my heart is breaking. And one day, the same possibility is also open to me. I didn't offer words that are lies....and didn't try to make light of it. Just saying what I told her when I first met her, I will be here. I do care, and I want to do what I can to make this survivable.
When I walked back inside I started to realize how many folks I do know. Here, in this small community. I was amazed, recounting how many can recognize me. And say~ theres one special gal. It was an ego boost I really needed to hear today. And gave me the soothing I needed to finally forgive myself for the loss of a dear patient last week. I did the best I could, I am not even in the arena of being powerful enough to stop it....however....it doesn't take the sting of realizing if I was ten minutes eariler..I could have helped ease the pain even though I couldn't have stopped death.
That is not my job. And sometimes I have to remind myself of that. I cannot stop death. I cannot amend what is broken. Only their body can do that, and with guidence of a trained professional. When it comes down to my DO list....I am the comforter, I am the little helper in the shadows. And really, I like it there.
I like to be there when bad news hits. I hold their hands when no family is around. I make folks comfortable. Using what little ability I have to sense their pain when they cannot speak. I wish I could say I was born with it, but it is a well nutured trait I have picked up over the last ten years. If thier heart is open you can really sense so much about a person. Which has been a huge lesson for me this year. Open folks....I never realized why I was an open book. Why it was relatively easy~ not that it didn't require work but that I never had the idea of blocking it. I didn't see why. We are one flesh, I believe that. We are all human, I believe that. We are all part of the same cycle. This also I hold close to my heart. When these folks come together, you can read almost everything about them.
The other major thing, you have to really give it all to get it all. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually for this to be full cycle. When I have been myself, my normal self. I see the world so differently than the 'eggshell self' that I sometimes fall into. Did I say that right? Did I make the right decision? Did I watch my body posture? When I can throw these worries off, I can just be energetic~ spiritually. And i have noticed how much that attracts the best teachers.
I took a moment to realize my blessings today. How much I am loved, appreciated, thought of. How that makes me feel, and what I did to recieve it full circle. How often I go without armour. And if that is the path I was meant to stay on...or the lesson I was to learn not to do. Talk about a crossroads. It would mean changing my entire life to bar up my heart. To cool down my emotional self.
I talked with a few pregnant teens today. We talked of how hard it is to really go the route they are heading into. We talked of the possibilities. No judgements~ last thing they need to hear is how stupid they are, or how it was a big mistake. No one likes to hear their kid is a mistake. I was frank~ its going to be all uphill. No one thinks your going to make it, and some folks~ even if you are doing well will always say you messed up and thats that. Point being~ do whats right to you, your family and your higher self.
We ended the conversation in a few tears. Some retelling of the courses they are going through right now, and never realizing there is a whole different possiblity to the ending of their story. That there is a possiblity of success. Was that what they were not told??? My Gods! Why? Do you want to just stomp on them when their down? These are going to be parents in charge of little precious souls. How in the hell can they do that feeling like they are useless? They don't need a shove down, they need a light. Heres what has to be done, heres what has to change. Heres what your new life can be like. And really~ those that kick ya when your down are just preaching what they need to learn the most. We do that~ us humans.....its in the miracles class. We often preach what we need to learn the most. Six of the ten are finishing school. Three of them are already employed in a self managed job. There is hope there. And now, they feel it too.
If I can help alittle, in a big world....I think there is still hope for us as humans.
Barnabus (2007-10-09)
supposed to be: but let the damn thing
Barnabus (2007-10-09)
This is an old, but still copyrighted poem, by anon.
It's not my job th run the train, the whistle I can't blow.
It's not my job to say, how fast the train can go.
It's not my job to blow off steam, or even clang the bell.
But when the damn thing jumps the track, then see who catches hell!!
Mary Mary Quite Contrary (2007-10-09)
No effort of help is ever a small one nor should it be seen as one...
- You - are awesome!
I'm so glad to know that someone like you is out there lifting people up and helping them to carry on
May The Lord continue to bless you in your work and in your life :)
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